Dad and I went to LR last night to see X and his mom.  I felt like I needed to pay my respects and I won't be in town for the funeral.  X-mom in law got on my nerves in the worst kind of way when X and I were married but I will be the first to admit that she was always, always there for me when I needed her.  I just couldn't stay home.

It was really hard seeing both of them devestated.

I realized that when speaking to someone who has suffered a loss, people on the most part ask the same question and it's a really stupid-ass question, yet it's almost expected and it really is meant with the best intentions.

"How are you doing?"

How lame is that? 

I remember when my Granny died and when my Uncle died.  People would come up to me and ask the same question and in a way it was comforting, but that little girl part of me that was hurting wanted to scream "How the FUCK do you think I'm doing??"

Sooooo what was the first thing I asked Liz? 

Yep, you got it.

"I'm so sorry.  How are you doing?"

Liz, never one to mince words, replied "I really don't know."

Gotta hand it to her, at least she's honest.

X will be coming to Bisa-ville today and meeting me and the boys at my parents' house.  We agreed that it's best to tell the boys together.

We're going to leave it up to each of them as to whether or not they go to the funeral.  I'm guessing they'll both want to go, which is fine.  Dad suggested that X leave the boys with them for a couple of days and let Dad bring them to the funeral.  He promised me that he'd be there for the boys, which eased my worry a lot.  Mom said they'd take the boys to buy some dress clothes.  All they really need is just a new pair of jeans and a new shirt.  It will be a graveside service at a small southern church.  Bob never liked the big funerals.  He always said "Don't waste the time or money on me then.  I'll be long gone." 

X and his mom both urged me to keep my travel plans, even though I offered to try to change them.  Damn American Airlines wouldn't waive the rescheduling fees on my ticket though and it would have ended up costing me almost as much as I paid for the original ticket in just fees to change the travel date.  They both separately said "Bob would be the first one to tell you 'Hell yes you need to go!'" and they're right, he would have.  So I fly out bright and early in the morning for California.

I'm glad that Dad and I went.  When we walked up X was standing outside with his cousin and had just called my Mom looking for me.  She told him that we were on our way there.  I walked up and hugged him tight and just burst into tears.  He said "You didn't have to come, but I'm so glad you did."

When my Dad hugged him, X just lost it and broke down.  They have always had a good relationship and Dad wanted to be there for X.

X said that he was at work when he got the call that his dad had collapsed in the yard.  He tore out of work and 10 minutes into the hour-long drive he called his wife.  New Mrs. X wouldn't tell X anything other than "It's bad," which of course told X everything.

When X got to the house he said there were firetrucks, paramedics, and cops everywhere and crime scene tape strung up.  He leapt out of the Jeep and took off running to get to his dad and it took two police officers and the funeral home guy to actually tackle him to keep him from going to look.  I don't know how long Bob had been there, but it wasn't something that X needed to see.  He didn't need to see his Dad laying there on the ground, dead.

I got the boys home about 11:30 or so last night and it took a bit to get them settled.  I didn't get any sleep last night. 

I've got lots of errands to run today - DMV, Post Office, Vet, Pharmacy - then I have to get home to  and pack clothes for the boys and make sure Gomez mows the yard ... all in time to meet X about 2 or 3 at Mom and Dad's.    Then after that it's back home to try to get my stuff together and grab a nap.  I never can sleep the night before a flight so I figure at least attempting a nap is the best thing I should do.

Please, send up prayers and thoughts for my boys.  They are both going to be devestated by this news.  They adored their Pappaw.  I'm worried the most about Gomez.  They were very close.

Me?  I'm numb.

Prayers for all of you, especially your boys. What a terrible situation you're all going through.